Trent is leaving. As I run around buying the last of the Christmas presents, Trent will be flying to the States to live the next while of his life in the land of the fat. It’s a huge shame. He’s been here for 15 months or so but it seems like longer – you know how time can be deceptive. He feels like part of the place already.
He won’t be easy to replace. He’s not always idle, he knows how to do a few things, and he provided the material for one of the more amusing posts on this nearly-6-year-old blog. He’s also broken loads of tools and lost my first lovely bronze trowel, so it won’t be SO sad.
Perhaps one of you young, attractive men and women would be willing to use your wiles to persuade him to stay in England? He’s 26, reasonably tall, lean and fit. He has very short hair and one of those beards that says ‘macho man‘. More than one ravingly gay friend who’s visited has enquired about his preferences and availability. He says he’s heterosexual but he may be just trying to set a challenge for someone.
Assuming one of you doesn’t persuade him, I may be after a replacement. I may not. I may end up doing it all myself again, but I might want someone. I’m not sure.
I’m not sure because I’m deeply unsociable most of the time (while very very sociable for a bit of the time). And I like doing it all myself. It makes it very hard for someone to be the sort of someone who it can work out with. Trent makes that very easy. He gets on with the run of the mill stuff as happily as the obviously fascinating stuff. He also seems to love it. He doesn’t mind if I insult him, or tell him how things are really pronounced in the real world (ie Devon).
Trent works 2 days a week, sometimes 3. Occasionally 1. He does everything from endless strimming to planting lovely things to harvesting pepper and grapes to pruning whatever needs pruning.
There are some skills that would be preferable/essential, including some idea about looking after a vineyard. Actually that might be it skillwise.
There are some aptitudes and attitudes that would be preferable, including an ability to enjoy the less interesting tasks and appreciate their importance alongside the obviously vital jobs. Working happily on your own, for sure. It’s hard to think of the rest because I and the place have got used to Trent being around, and until he goes I’m not sure I’ll appreciate what I’ll be missing.
If you are called Uma Thurman you are very likely to be interviewed, although if you have a novel name this will significantly increase your chances. A surname for a first name will suffice (eg Trent, Harrison, Davison), but if you have an altogether more ludicrous moniker I will look upon your application with great favour. Dr Hfuhruhurr, Mr. Hartoonian, Danger Fourpence, or Anne Uumellmahaye would be very likely to find success.
I am tempted to alter my plans for next year so that I can do them in whatever time I have rather than try to find another Trent to add a day or two to the Otter Farm week. I can’t imagine walking out to feed the pigs after a day writing and being quite so impressed at the difference a day of what Trent’s done has made to the place.
So, pass it on if you would: part time job for someone who knows a bit about managing a vineyard may or may not be available with an unsociable git who’s been spoiled by the previous encumbent.
My CV is in the post
Am just imagining your conversation with the South Devon News…
"Yes Mr Diacono, that's right, it's 50p a word for the advert, so we're looking at £314. Oh, and we're not sure that you're allowed to pimp in print. Sorry"
can't decide whether to try the 'persuade' Trent to stay option – bit on the young side for me but not soooo youthful as to be a completely impossible match (and those who know me can stop the hysterical laughing RIGHT NOW) – on the other hand a stint at Otter Farm, scrambling about pretending to know what I am doing horticulturally in the face of an 'unsociable git' boss sounds far more appealing than current occupation of setting up own business ….!
Sorry to hear you are losing your part time right hand man. I would apply under an alias but unfortunately I have a mortgage to pay so have to continue in my hum drum office job. Goodluck with your search
Thank you for giving me a belly laugh on what has been an otherwise pants day (no pun intended) by pointing to what I shall coyly term "The Wasp Incident"…
Would love to work for you as and when….But you make a lousy cup of tea.
He's only coming back out here to the USA so he can drive a big V8 pickup truck like the rest of the red necks!
I'm close to the Napa valley now, maybe I can get some interviews lined up for him!!
You need to make your links less amusing. Has taken me all bleeding evening to get through this. The first one made me cry with laughter. No idea what the post is about…
Any chance of doing the job at a distance, distance learning, distance working, bit like the Open University? Would make it easy to be unsociable because you would never see me. And whether the task was dull or fascinating, it would make no difference to what you found when you wandered out to see what I had been up to after a hard day's writing. You wouldn't need to pay me. I'd do it for board and lodging, at my house obviously.
It's a sad post this. Not only will your friend be far away but it confronts me with the knowledge that I would never get the job even were I to apply. You and your Trent have managed to grow black grapes black. My black grapes are green with black mould – which suggests I don't have horticultural expertise to land this (or any!) job.
I very much like the photo of the nasturtiums though and hope that counts a little in my favour.
Esther
Interesting and mildly tempting. I could stay at Mum and Dads, and pop to see the Grandparents for elevenses and afternoon tea!
Having said that I l know bugger all about vines, my CVs full of football highlights and rally cars……but I learn, I learn……
Talked to Trent today and found out for myself that indeed he is going back to the states…..my CV will be in the post very soon luv Uma x x
Thank you for some magnificent suggestions (although I obviously object to the accusation that I make a poor cup of tea). However, as no-one's charms appear to be working on Trent yet, I've narrowed it down to Cheryl and Uma *plumps up casting couch cushions*
JUST EAT IT,,,,EAT IT,,,,,EAT IT!